Saving Grace
by jinxed-lulu
Summary: Edward and Bella have been married for two years. Now their marriage is haning by a very thin thread, and they need to compensate for it's shortcomings before it's too late. Can they? AU, AH, OOC.
1. Needing Absolution

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N:** It has actually been quite some time since I started this story, April 2010, to be exact. As it was taking time to update and the like, I took it down and only posted on my LiveJournal. Then in January of 2011, I finished this. So the finished product is now available to you here of .

**Chapter 01**

**Needing Absolution**

"_The truth is rarely pure and never simple." ~ Oscar Wilde_

When I was growing up in Pheonix all I had was my mother Renee and my older brother Emmett, we were all very close. I always wanted to do what ever Emmett was doing, none of that girly stuff. I never planed my 'wedding' and asked Emmett to play groom. I wanted to wrestle or get into whatever trouble Emmett got into. For this he is thankful for everyday.

Even as I grew into high school, I still didn't look at boys for a boyfriend. I knew I wasn't ugly, but I knew that I wasn't the prettiest girl around. I just was content with family, and getting good grades. My Renee would always ask me why I didn't date just 'cause Emmett was, my answer was always the same, I would rather read a story book romance than have one myself.

All of this did change though, when Renee got married when I was seventeen, and Emmett was eighteen. We moved to Forks, to live with our dad Charlie.

That first day at Forks high school was the day I met my 'sister' and bestfriend Alice Cullen, we had english together, and sat next to eachother. To be honest I wasn't use to anyone with that much perkyness or energy, but somehow she wasn't annoying, she just brought out a side of me I didn't even know I had. She had told me about her boyfriend Jasper Whitlock and her brother Edward Cullen, and their friend Rosalie Hale. I spoke of Emmett, and how close we were, 'cause she in turn was that close with her brother, too. We found out we had the same lunch and I swore to sit with her.

That lunch period was the most suprising moment of my life. Emmett had it also and was sitting with Alice and her friends, not only was he doing that but he was trying – unsuccessfully – to get the attention of the gorgeous Rosalie Hale. What really got my attention that day though, was Edward, he was the best looking man I had ever laid eyes on. I kept looking at him, and I remember he caught me twice, and gave me that glorious panty soaking crooked smile of his.

I remember Jasper, he was so quiet, although honestly he still is. He wasn't overly friendly, he was just what you needed him to be, and I know it sounds fake, but that is just who Jasper is and was.

Not long after Emmett had finally gotten Rosalie to say yes to a few dates, and they were the senior 'it' couple. It was odd to watch Emmett in love, not that he wasn't capable of it per se, just he never seemed the guy who would find love in high school. But they were great together, and I still to this day don't understand how Rosalie handles him.

Ever since that first day in the lunch room Alice had been hell bent on getting me and Edward together, and I wouldn't admit it to her but I really wanted to be with him. I just knew he was to handsome to be mine. Two months of lunch conversations, biology classes, and hanging with our little group Edward finally asked me out. I said no. Now I knew Edward wasn't mean enough for it to be a joke, it just seemed pity, and I did not need a pity date. He asked me out six more times, and I said no then too. Finally he asked me out a seventh while we were in the Cullens' basement and whispered in my ear 'I know your playing hard to get' I was just agast. I was not, and I never told him, but if I knew it wasn't pity the first time I would have told him yes, and latched on and never let go. So I said yes, 'cause the boy was just damn persistant.

We all stayed friends, and still did everything together. Emmett and Rosalie was the first to get married, then Alice and Jasper. Finally was Edward and me. Then was all of us juggling careears. A year after mine and Edwards' marriage, Alice and Jasper gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Kristen Ann. And now Rose is six months pregnant with little boy twins.

Edward and I have now been married for two years, we would have been trying by now. But with the place we are, it just wouldn't be healthy. And I don't know if we or our marrige will ever be happy again, and I want that more than anything in the world. I want my bestfriend, partner, and lover back.

So now I find myself at the Cullens' annual BBQ sitting at the table with Rose and Alice, while Esme plays with Kristen, and the men are grilling.

"Bella, would you please tell me what is going on?" I was snapped out of my thought by the voice of Alice. I looked around the table to see that Rose had obvously gotten up.

"I'm fine Alice," I had been saying this so much, it almost sounded true. "There is nothing to talk about," she shook her head sadly.

"How long have I known you?" I gave her the bitch brow. "Exactly! I know you and therefore I know something is bothering you!" Alice exclaimed.

I sighed, "Really, Alice, it's nothing." The real reason I wouldn't tell Alice the probems was for a few reasons, one – Edward was her brother, two – I just couldn't say all this out loud, or then I'd have to face this.

"Pffft… Bella, you really expect me to believe…" Her sentence died off as Rose returned to our table.

"These babies need to lay off my goddamn bladder!" Rose wasn't have a very good pregnancy, so she is a bit bitcher then usual. "Cheer up Bella," and Alice backed Rose up with a 'hmph' and a looked that said 'you will tell me'

I shook my head, "I'm fine, so girls what's going on with you?" Change the topic from me, and I'll be safe.

Being home with Edward is probably the worst. There is no one there to buffer between us. What was once a comfortable silence, is now an uncomfortable silence, filled with guilt, anger, and things that need to change. So why don't we? I'm not sure, maybe part of me want to sit back and hope it fixes itself, even if I know it wont.

"Are you coming to bed?" Edward asks with a detatched tone, even he doesn't hold out hope anymore.

I shook my head, not even looking at him, "No. I need to grade some papers," it's my usual excuse and he knows this

All Edward does is grunts in response, and leaves for the bedroom. It's almost to the point of unbearable to lie awake next to eachother in there. The atmosphere is completely tense, and I almost could choke on it. The hardest part is knowing we still love eachother and not knowing how to make it out alive. At times it seems the world is out to get us.

After grading my papers I decide to take a hot shower, then go to bed. That should buy me more time till Edward is asleep, and then I don't have to sit knowing we should be talking not ignoring. In the shower I close my eyes under the hot spray and remember the night Edward purposed.

_I was dressed in a new midnight blue dress Alice had bought for me, it was getting close to seven and that was the time Edward was supposted to arrive. I was getting nervous, we never really did anything flashy like this. He knew I prefered pizza and a movie. When the door bell rang, I jumped in shock._

_When I answered the door I was stunned into silence, as usual he looked unnaturally handsome in a black suit. So I stood gapeing. _

"_You look beautiful, love," I was broken out of my trance by the sound of his voice, and he chuckled. "See something you like?"_

_I smiled and blushed, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do," I gave him a sly look. "And thank you, what is all this for?"_

_He clucked his toung, "Silly Bella, do you honestly think I'd tell you?" He arched one perfect brow. "It's a surprise!" _

_I grummled all the way to the restruant La Bella Itlia, where we had our first date. We even sat in the same booth. Edward was being sweet and romantic, with so much excitement in his eyes that I'd never seen before. But there was a underlying nervousment as well, and that confused me._

_After Dinner we went to our medow, he had candles lit and a blanket for us to sit on. We made out like the high school children we once were, and I couldn't wait to get back to our appartment so I could feel him inside me, I needed him more than ever. When I wasn't looking he'd gotten down on one knee, and pulled a ring out._

"_Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you forever. With everything I am, will you marry me?" The love shining in his eyes was so strong and powerful I had almost fallen._

_I swallowed the lump in my throat, and answered him through my tears, "Yes Edward, YES!" He picked me up and spun me around. When he put me back on the ground, he put his cheek on mine._

_Then whispered in my ear, "You have made me the luckiet, and happiest man on Earth, Bella," I knew this was the best decision I'd ever made._

I still couldn't figure out how we went from not being able to with out touching eachother or kissing one another for five minutes to avoidance, and ignoring. It really makes me wonder if we'll ever dig ourselves out of his hole. Can anyone rescue us? Can we even do it and come out the same?

Once I was done drying off and changing into my sleep clothes, I crawled into bed, scared to wake up. Not wanting to know what tomorrow will bring. Would tomorrow be the day Edward finally walks away? Would we actually fight and show some passion for once? I doubted it.

When I wake up in the mornings now I know Edward wont be there. Part of me is saddened by this, knowing he isn't there to kiss me good morning, and the other half is releaved. I just don't want to deal with him, or his blank eyes.

After I get dressed for work, I get into the kitchen to make breakfast. And there he was in all his asshole glory, just eating cereal. He cleared his throat to get my attention, "Bella, I'm sick of the prentending," I sigh, he always does this in the mornings, usually I ignor him. Today I feel like saying something back.

"Then, lets don't," I notice him tense from the corner of my eye. "I could go and tell Alice today, even Rose. I don't want to pretend anymore either."

Edward answers through clentched teeth, and narrow eyes, "Okay, what the fuck are we supposed to say is the problem, Bella? 'Cause I don't even know!"

I sigh, "You do too!" I hiss. "Maybe we should take a break, nothing seems to be working anymore." He turns his head to look at me, and I notice shock written all over his face.

"WHAT?" Edward yells. "You can't be serious? If we take a break Isabella it will only make the wedge in our marriage worse! We don't talk and that is," he points a finger at me. "Your fault."

Now I'm seething with anger, how dare he! "Oh, really?" I scream. "So I suppose it was my fault you chose your job over your wife?"

Edward is out of his seat faster than I would have thought, "Don't you even dare! How many times must I explain this to you? Will you ever get it?" he shakes his head. "No, I doubt it," He slams his fist on the kitchen table. "I have to go to work. Don't know when I'll be home."

"See!" I scream to him as he is walking out the door.

Now that he decided to get into a fight, and walk out when I was bringing up the issues, I am in a worse mood then I was to begin with. And I don't even have to courtesy of going back to bed and pretending this day never happened, no, I have to go to work. I knew I was right to fear waking up today, I just knew it was going to be a terrible day.

From the moment he said 'don't know when I'll be home' I knew then and there that I would be telling Alice and Rose the problems in our marriage. I don't think I could get through this alone, I need the support of my sisters. The only problem is were such close friends and family that it wouldn't be easy to give support or take sides.

I know what Renee would have told me, tell them as friends, for moral support. Then you call a therapist to help you with everything else. The only problem is that Edward an I already tried marriage counceling, it didn't work. I talked, Edward didn't, then he said it didn't and wouldn't help us. I tried to argue the point, but he wouldn't have it. I guess it was because he wanted to be the one to fix us, or have _us_ fix us. But that just isn't going to happen. I have a feeling if some outside force doesn't help us sometime soon we will be even more doomed then we have ever been. The only thing holding be back from reaching out, is the shame that I could keep my marriage going. Maybe that's Edwards problem too.


	2. No Surprise

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 02**

**No Surprise**

"_The course of true love never did run smooth." ~ William Shakespeare_

This morning I just told my classes to read, I wasn't in the mindset to teach this morning. The nerve of Edward, to just run off to the hospital as usual; If he didn't know that his job is one of the reasons we were in this predicament, then I never knew Edward could be so dense. It wasn't the main reason, God no; I wasn't that much a bitch. Just painful knowing how many times things got forgotten, or pushed aside 'cause he got paged. It started to just feel like I was being let down, even if I know it wasn't like he was doing it personally.

Edward's job wasn't really a reason, as much as a cause to a effect. Now everyone in the family knew some of this reason, Edward's jealousy. They just didn't know the full extent. See when I was feeling alone, or sad whenever Edward got paged, I would need to vent my problems to someone who wasn't Alice or Rosalie. I would go to Jacob Black, 'cause he made for a good outside party. He wasn't close to the problem, and I could trust him. So it pissed Edward off that I was spending a lot of time with Jake, going to him for support, when this was his job.

Probably the biggest reason was _her_, I knew for a fact the family didn't know about this. I was enraged when I saw Edward and her having lunch at the Lodge. He could find time for her, but not his wife? That was like a knife to my heart.

If anything I now knew that I'd have to tell at least Rose, I couldn't carry this all on my shoulders anymore. The only thing was, how do you tell your sister – in – law that you're marriage is failing and you could have done so many different things to fix it, but you just sat back and watched it crash? This is why I just couldn't bring myself to tell Alice any of this yet, she wouldn't understand, and she wouldn't give me logical advice.

I'm forever thankful that it's now my last class of the day, and I can give them the same reading assignment I gave every other class and space out. I can tell my students know that I'm far more out of it today than I have been all year. While I wait for the bell to ring, I space out looking at the clock thinking about the last big fight Edward and I ever had.

~/~/~/~/~/~

_I had been home for hours just seething in my anger and jealousy from seeing Edward and her at the Lodge. I was waiting in the living room for him to get home from work so I could pounce. There was no way I was going to let this go. How dare he! I know he was to work; it's understandable that we have to cancel things from time to time. But he can make time for _her_._

_I hear him pull into the drive, and I cling on to the armrests for dear life. I need to stay seated, so he doesn't know what hit him._

"_I'm home love," I narrow my eyes; I can hear the smile in his voice._

_I turn to look at him, with a forced smile, "Glad your home…" It took more work to keep my voice even then I thought._

_He has a look of complete confusion on his beautiful face, "Are you okay Bella?"_

_I laugh loudly, and humorlessly, "No." I'm not giving him anything; make him work for his answers. Who was I kidding, if I wasn't seething with rage that man could get me to do anything._

"_What's wrong sweetheart?" He looks at me with confusion, and concern._

_I cluck my tongue at him, "Well _sweetheart_, I was leaving the Thriftway I noticed you're car in the parking lot for the Lodge," I give him a moment for it to settle in, "So I walk over to see if I could join, but as it would seem, you had some slutty company yourself."_

_Edward sighs, "Please, Bella, don't tell me your angry that Tanya was there," he just shakes his head._

_He has now just pushed me to a whole new level of anger, "What?" I screeched. "So I am not supposed to be mad at the fact that my _husband_ can find time for _her_ and not me?" I reached to pick up our wedding photo and threw it at him, "She was leaning in, whispering in your ear Edward!"_

_Edward just looked angrier than I had ever seen him before, "How…what…" He shook his in disgust, "So that's how it's going to be, huh?" He punched the wall. "You can blow off you're marital vows with Jacob Black, and get mad at my lunch with Tanya?" He narrowed his eyes with one perfectly arched brow. "Is he the reason you're not ready to try for a kid?"_

_My jaw dropped so fast and hard, I'm sure it hit the floor, "Fuck you!" I screamed, "How dare you imply that what I'm doing with Jake is the same as you and that whore!"_

"_Then what the fuck are you doing with him? Tell me Bella," I just stared at him, unblinking, "I'm fucking waiting Bella!"_

"_I need someone to talk to, someone who can comfort me without making excuses and telling me things!" I rubbed my hands over my face, "Someone who can just sit in silence and listen, I don't even talk about private details of our marriage, just that I _miss_ you!" After I finished my tirade I just looked at him._

_Edward actually looked wounded, "Bella, I'm sorry. I guess…" _

_He didn't get the chance to finish I cut him off, I didn't want to hear anymore from him, "No Edward, just…don't."_

That was the fight that set everything in motion. We only speak in broken sentences when were alone, if we attempt to speak at all. The only time we really speak it's just acting for everyone, not us actually saying anything. This has been going on for a little over half a year. Sometimes I feel as if we were playing some sick game of who is going to break down first, and then I feel guilty when he or I leave the room, because that isn't who Edward is.

~/~/~/~/~/~

As I sit in my car outside of Rose and Emmett's house, I give myself a pep talk. I know I need to go inside, I need to talk to her. I feel like I'm walking to my death, simply admitting defeat, or failure just feels like the end of me; or is it the end of Edward and I? I sigh as I get out of the car to just get this over with.

Rose answers the door before I even knock, "Come in, and you can tell me all about it."

"Okay…" I just give her a confused look, how did she know?

We get settled in the kitchen and she makes some coffee, "Don't give me that look, now spill," she gives me that 'get it over with' look.

"How do you know I'm here to spill my guts Rose?" I fake interest, but inside I'm dying to know.

She rolls her eyes, "I've known something has been bothering you for awhile now," she puts her hand up to stop me, 'cause I was about to argue. "Now I haven't said anything, 'cause I'm not Alice, and I know you will come to me when you finally see reason." Rose finished with a smug look.

I decide to just tell her the whole story because I mean, isn't that what I came here to do anyway? Even if Rose is going to get some whole sick satisfaction knowing that is what I came here to do this whole time. So I decide to suck up the last of the pride I have left, and just get this over with. I guess you could say the only good thing about this is Rose won't pity me, because Rose doesn't pity much of anyone.

Once I'm done telling her everything, I mean _everything_. I left no stone unturned. I finally look up at her, Rosalie's mouth was in a hard line and her crystal blue eyes hard as ice, "Do you still love him?" Was the first thing out of her mouth.

To say that I was taken aback would be an understatement, "What?"

"I think what I said, Do…you…love…him?" She drew out each word like she was talking to a third grader.

I glared at her, "Yes, but what are you getting at?" Rose was confusing the hell out of me.

She huffed, "Well I wanted to make sure you weren't in a loveless marriage," she gave me a look that clearly said 'duh', "My personal opinion is that the two of you need to sit and just talk it out, or see a professional."

"We already did see a professional," I shook my head. "I just don't know where to go, we each have an opinion on what happened, and that's honestly getting us nowhere." I knew I was sulking now.

Her blue eyes were calculating now, I could almost see the gears moving in her mind. "Really, my opinion hasn't changed Bella," she raised her brow. "You two need to _talk_, the love you two have shouldn't be thrown away!"

I thought about what Rose was saying, it was true. I didn't want to needlessly give up on what Edward and I had. Ever since we have been on different sides of this marriage, I haven't felt complete anymore, and honestly I missed that feeling. I knew what we needed to do, but it was really hard. I had shut him out of my life, like a wall that just shut him out of me. I would just have to try. 'Cause the road we were heading down lead straight to divorce, and I really didn't want to end up there. But I still that ugly side of me rears its head every so often, saying if were already here, how can we be saved? I would just have to shut that little voice up to make this work.

"I hear what you're saying," I sighed. "I'll talk to him, tonight when he gets home. I'm sure we will have a lot to talk about. I know he has some issues with me, simply our issues are like a coin; there are always two sides. I just wish this came with a guide."

Rose smiled, a small loving smile; It didn't often grace her face, "I know. I'm sorry to say that's all you can do."

"Ugh! I know. Will you do me a favor?" I didn't wait for her to answer. "Don't tell Alice, she'll worry needlessly. I'll talk to her after Edward and I hash everything out tonight."

"Sure thing."

~/~/~/~/~/~

I went straight home after my chat with Rose. I needed to prepare, and relax myself for my talk with Edward. I knew this would be a turning point in our marriage. Which way it went, well that I didn't know. It was a scary thought that one word could be our breaking point. What word could it be? The one that sends us our separate ways? I knew I shouldn't be thinking this way at all, but I couldn't help squelch that little part of me that said we were too far gone. Hmm… or could it be all of my mother's warnings from before we got married? Oh God, I wish I couldn't even remember that talk.

_I was so nervous calling my mother to tell her I was engaged to Edward. It wasn't that she didn't like Edward, just that she didn't think marriage was a good idea. She almost had a stroke when Emmett did. So I guess I'll just give her the heart attack. Great._

_With a shaky hand I picked up the phone and dialed Renee's number. "Hello?" She breathed._

"_Hey Mom." I was full on biting my lip at this point._

"_How are you sweetheart? I haven't heard from Emmett or Rose, how are they?"_

"_Umm… their good. Uh… Mom… I have something to tell you…"_

"_Bella what's wrong? Is something wrong?" She asked in alarm. I knew my studdering wouldn't work in my favor._

"_Well, not wrong. Well you see… I'm engaged to Edward, were getting married this fall." I just decided to spit it all out at once._

_Silence._

_More silence._

"_Mom? Are you there Mom?" I asked three minutes later._

"_Are you sure that's for the best?" Renee asked. Her tone was bored, and a little hint of annoyance._

_I sighed, "Yes Mom, I'm very sure. I love Edward."_

"_That's not what I asked. I asked you, are you sure about the marriage." She wasn't fooled. Not at all._

_I hesitated just enough. "Look sweetie, I know you and Edward are in love. That's not the problem. I loved Charlie when we got married. Look where I am!" She sighed. "Do you want to end up like me? Married to you're high school sweetheart, only to find out once you're older it was a mistake, because love doesn't fix everything."_

I remember screaming at her that if she couldn't accept my decisions, that maybe she shouldn't come to my wedding. We finally decided to agree to disagree. I just didn't know, could she be right? I rushed into marriage too soon? Love wasn't our problem, I knew this. Even with how far apart we were, I knew he still loved me, and I him. Our hearts, and souls knew each other. Even now I knew I wanted nobody other than Edward, just part of me wasn't one hundred percent on the wedding, and Edward was. Did I just want to make him happy?

My other fear was hearing what Edward would say I did wrong. I'm not good at facing my own mistakes, it's a sad fact about myself. I knew I wasn't ready to wake up and see everything for what it was, but if I didn't I'd lose Edward, and I wasn't ready to do that either. Ignorance is bliss, but even the bliss of ignorance can only last so long before you're bubble bursts.

I was broken out of thought by the front door opening signaling Edwards arrival. I was out of time; now or never.

"Bella?"


	3. All or Nothing

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 03**

**All or Nothing**

"_Obstacles are put in your way, to see if what you want is really worth fighting for." ~ Unknown_

At the sound of his beautiful velvet voice I knew that I wasn't as ready for this as I had thought. Really I thought I just might hyperventilate. I guess it was time to put on my big girl panties, as Rosalie would say. "I'm in the living room," I hated how my voice broke, so much for plan of attack.

"Okay…"

I turned to look at him, "Uh Edward. Could we talk?" I knew I was biting my lip hard enough to draw blood by this point, and we weren't even past my asking. This was going to be really bad. _Please say no, please say no, please say no_, it was like a mantra I kept playing in my mind, along with berating myself for being such a coward. I knew damn well this had to be resolved **right** now. No later, but that didn't mean I had to like it!

"Umm…sure?" It came out more like a question. That made me feel so bad, it showed me just how much I had closed myself off from him.

_You're turn!_ My inner monologue wasn't actually helping anything. I cleared my throat, "You see… I… ummm," I shook my head, "I talked to Rosalie today, and… I realized I'm ready to talk." I finished with a nod.

With that Edward's eyes darkened and narrowed with anger I've never seen before. No matter how big a fight we had gotten in, he'd always kept his temper in check. Even though I'd never admit this; this Edward scared me a little.

He barked out a harsh, bitter and humorless laugh, "Oh! So, now you want to talk to me?" He spat with venom, "What made you see the fucking light Bella? 'Cause I can't make heads or tails of this shit anymore!" I was taken aback by his behavior, was it really this bad between us?

I took calming breaths, I didn't want to argue, "I realized that my silence is only making things worse… and I'm sorry for that."

"Your goddamn right your silence doesn't get us anywhere! _Look_ at us Bella!"

"Edward please, stop yelling," I all but pleaded, "It won't help us now." I needed him to stay calm, if I were took keep a level head about this situation.

He smiked, it was more sardonic then anything, "Fine Bella, say what you need to say. I'll listen unlike you." Now I knew he was just being an asshole.

"Okay, our problems started out with your job…" I was cut off with his angry laugh.

"My _job_. Really, how selfish can you get?" He muttered something to low for me to hear.

"Will you just fucking listen to me!" I spat, "Not the motherfucking job per se, more like you always getting paged. It took time from important evens in our marriage! I knew…"

Edward cut me off again, "Well Bella, where do you think the money comes from to pay for our house? To pay the bills?" His voice laced with venom, "Really Bella I had to work."

Now he wanted to get me going, I'd show him, "Oh, so my job doesn't mean a goddamn thing? I didn't help with fucking bills huh?" I barked a humorless laugh, "Fuck you, Edward."

"That's not what I ment and you know it, Bella," He shook his head at me.

"Really?" I asked, "Hmmm, how's Tanya? Is that why you liked her, 'cause she made more money?" I knew it was a low blow, but the money thing really hurt.

Edward's jaw dropped, and his eyes widened in shock, "You really think I cheated with her don't you?" His voice was full of shock.

"Maybe. How am I supposed to know anything anymore?"

"Well why do you fucking care? You had Jacob on those cold nights alone!" He spat, and said the name Jacob like it was a dirty word.

"Seriously, Edward, you think I was with Jake?" I shook my head, "No, he came over for someone to talk to who wasn't too involved in _our_ lives. Then he also helped with work around the house that I couldn't do and you weren't here for!" I all but screamed at him, my patients was waneing.

"What the fuck do you mean 'wasn't too involved in _our_ lives'?"

"Are you that damn dense Edward?" I spat, "Alice is your sister, Emmett is my brother, and then their spouses? That was too close for comfort, they couldn't give me sound advice."

His eyes darkened with anger again, "So I am supposed to be okay with you telling Jacob about the problems in our marriage?" He gave me that 'seriously' look.

I sighed, "I didn't go in deeply. Just around the edges, I needed someone to talk to, and you talked to Tanya so don't put this on me!" I screeched, I was at the end of my fucking rope.

"No, Bella, I didn't talk to Tanya."

"Oh, so now your going to sit there and lie to me?" I couldn't believe this is what was happening to us.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, "I am not lying to you Bella. If you can't believe me than that's your problem."

I took a minute before I said anything to him, I needed to think what I was going to say next very carefully. I didn't want to jump the gun right now, and my decision didn't seem like that bad of an idea really. Maybe some space between us would be a good idea. Working things out from afar, not too close. I was decided, I just hoped that this didn't backlash at me, 'cause Edward has a tendency to overreact. And I didn't need him doing this right now.

I sighed, "Okay Edward, I know what I, need to do now," He wouldn't be changing my mind anytime soon.

"What?" He said annoyed.

"I'm leaving," I said, "I can't stay here anymore. I'm not happy, and you aren't either."

Edward looked so broken, it was breaking my heart, "What?" He asked again, "Why? Bella you don't have to leave! Where will you go? When?" He looked like a lost little boy, and it was tugging at my heart strings.

"We need this Edward. I do have to leave, and I'll stay with Charlie. I will probably leave tommorrow." I said and, believe me it hurt just to say it.

He sighed, and I swear I saw a lone tear escape his eye, "So you're leaving me? Can't we work this out… please?"

A histerical giggle escaped my throat, "Yes, we will work this out. It's not a perment leave, unless we can't work this out, but it needs to be done." I swallowed the lump in my throat, I would not cry untill I was alone.

"Okay, I guess," He looked utterly defeated in this moment, "I'll just get ready for bed. I'll sleep on the couch tonight… Bella, I'm sorry…" I could tell he wasn't just sorry about tonight.

"I know." I said, "We'll work this out somehow." I couldn't say anything more. I was already mentally, and physically exhusted. I could only hope this was the right road to redemption.

~/~/~/~/~/~

When I woke up the next morning, I knew Edward hadn't left for work yet. So I got my clothes together, and went to take a shower. So he could have the bedroom to get ready for his day. I felt like a coward avoiding him, espeically after lastnight. But I couldn't face him knowing what today ment.

After my shower, and I was ready I knew I should call Charlie. This wasn't going to be easy, I don't think he knew how deep my marital wounds really were. I just didn't want him putting all the blame on Edward, even if I was so mad at him, I knew I had my faults.

I had to call him at work, "Chief Swan."

"Dad, I need a favor…" I was so scared to admit my failures.

"What is it Bells?"

"I was wondering if I could stay with you for awhile. I knows it's a lot, but Edward and I just need a break." Thank God, I got that out in one breath.

"Sure, honey, are you sure you're all right?" I knew he'd be worried, we may not be verbose but he loved me and I knew it.

"Everything is alright, I'll have dinner on the table Dad." We said our goodbyes after that.

Now I knew the hardest thing would be actually packing my belongings. I knew I'd need my laptop and clothes, and I didn't want to take too much or Edward might think divorce papers were in the mail. I knew this wasn't goodbye, just goodbye for now. But it didn't make things feel anyless scary.

It really was one of the hardest things, ever.

Really this wasn't the end of my immediate fears. How do I tell Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper? What will Esme and Carlisle think of me? Then what if we couldn't make this work, and my desicison to leave our home was the biggest mistake and I couldn't take it back?

I guess the only thing I could do now, was follow my gut instincts, because my head was only full of confusion, and fear. So now if we failed it would only be my fault. The obstacles ahead are unknown, and now all that matters is that Edward and I face them head on, and we don't run with our tails between our legs.

Once all my stuff was packed and in the back of my truck, I took one final look at our house. My 'goodbye' of sorts.

~/~/~/~/~/~

When I got to Charlie's house, I sat in the truck for a few minutes. I needed to gather the courage to go in and not drive back home and whine to Edward that I made a mistake.

I finally got out and grabbed my luggage and went inside. It looked all the same, sad and empty. These halls would only seem more empty without Emmett to make jokes and keep conversation going. I took a deep breath and went upstairs to my old room. It made me fell bigger, and lost. I started to unpack, and as I was doing so I cried I just can't explaine how sad and empty I felt knowing that Edward wouldn't be here tonight. Even if we didn't have the best of marriages, but this feeling made me feel better at any rate, it ment that we could possibly salvage our marrige.

When I was done unpacking, I took a trip to the Thriftway to get grocerys so I could make lasagna for dinner. It was always Charlie's favorite. I also got other stuff all Charlie really had was fish, and I wasn't going to eat that every night.

After I got home, I shut off my cellphone I didn't want to take calls from anyone. I didn't want to talk about this tonight, I was emotionally drained for the day. I knew Charlie would see my face and know the subject matter was closed for the night, but anyone else? No. I was going to tell Charlie what was going on tommorrow, I wouldn't leave him out in the cold. Maybe he could even give advice so Edward and I don't end up like him and Renee. I shuddered, God, I couldn't end up like that. Never.

I looked at the clock, and knew I should get dinner ready. As I was cooking the lasagna I wondered the last time Charlie had a home cooked meal. Too long probably. When this was over, we'd remedy this. Maybe start having a family dinner with everyone once a week, that thought made me smile. I really did miss Charlie. I wondered how often he saw Emmett, couldn't be often with his and Rosalies garage being so busy.

I was broken out of my thoughts by Charlie, "Bells?"

"In the kitchen Dad." It was nice to feel this way again, no worries if only for the day.

"Smells good Bells. You're famous lasagna?"

I looked at him and smiled, "I knew you'd like it," it felt good to be appricated.

"Always," he smiled his crinkly eye smile, "I'm just going to watch some t.v."

"'Kay, I'll let you know when it's done," ah, routine, it felt good for some nostalgia.

Afther the small exchange with Charlie I went back to making dinner. This is why I am so glad that it wasn't Renee in this tiny town, she would be as routhless as Alice in getting information out of me, instead of waiting. Although she'd be pretty damn smug, and that wouldn't help one damn bit. That's why I refuse to call her and tell her a goddamn thing. I know she'd be gentle and caring about the matter, but their would be a underlying smugness. Where Charlie will be calm and caring about the whole situation, and let me come to him, emotional things just aren't his cup of tea.

"Dinners ready, Dad," I set the table with our usual glass of milk. I just wanted us to have a nice dinner tonight, before the shit storm starts tommorrow.

"Thanks, Bells," he looked at me apprehensively, "Hows Alice and Rosalie?"

I bit back a sigh of relief, this I could talk about, "Well since Kristen is two now, Alice and Jasper and going to try again. Well after she closes the account with some fashion company for her store," I said, "And well, Rose is six months pregnant with the twins and it's making her even more unpleasent."

We both had a laugh, "That's good for them. So have they gotten names for the twins?"

Oh God, "Well Emmett wants to name them after cars… Rose had a fit. She only knows the first one to come out will be Emmett Jr."

Charlie shook his head, "Emmett did always have that crazy in him, you know he got that from Renee right?" He said, then mumbled 'sure wasn't me' under his breath.

I had to laugh at that, "I know, I'm like you. And I have no crazy in me," that made him smile the crinkly eye smile again. It always made him look years younger.

After dinner I washed the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen a little while Charlie watched some more t.v. and it felt great to escape the real world even if just for one night. 'Cause I knew once I woke up, I'd have to go back. I would have to suffer a small explanation as to what was wrong with my marriage to Charlie.

"Dad, I'm going to head on up to bed," I kissed him on the cheek, "Goodnight Dad."

Charlie patted my arm, "'Night, Bells."

~/~/~/~/~/~

I took a quick shower, and got ready for bed. My old bedroom seemed so small to me now. I knew I couldn't escape my thoughts now. All my worries and fears would follow me to sleep.

As I was drifting off I thought about how Edward and I should be expecting a child right about now, making Charlie another grandchild. Happy and making love, spending moon light nights in our meadow. Life seemed so empty comparied to what it could have been.

Before I fell asleep I knew that I was decided. No matter the obsticals I would fight for us, 'cause I wanted that image I painted of us… So I picked up my cell and texted Edward.

"_We'll make it."_


	4. Take Me Under

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 04**

**Take Me Under**

"_Follow your heart. Our brain always screws things up." ~ Chuck Bartowski_

I woke from the most peaceful sleep I'd gotten in about a year. My heart felt so much lighter from the night befores realization about what I needed to do for mine and Edward's marriage. Now I felt so much better, I had more faith that we could do this, we could beat the odds we were Edward and Bella; we _had_ to. The only thing weighing me down today was the fact that I had to tell everyone that I had decided to live at Charlie's temporarily, it wasn't going to be fun at all.

I looked at the clock on the night-stand and saw it was 9:45 a.m. that was much later then I was used to getting up. Good sleep indeed. I decided I would take a shower then make myself something for breakfast; I felt bad that I didn't make anything for Charlie. He was letting me live here, and God knows what he had been eating. I checked my phone before my shower and noticed that Edward had texted me back _"I know we will, love."_ It brought a smile to my face, something that my old endearment 'love' had not done in quite a long time. That only brought my mood up, things were looking better.

I had stayed in the shower till there wasn't any hot water left, it had felt good kneeding on my semi – tense muscles; staying in till I was red and pruney.

While thinking about breakfast I had decided on blueberry pancakes, and sausage. I usually didn't eat so nice in the morning, but it felt like it was going to be a good day; so why not? When I fixing my plate I thought about how I was going to break the news, sould it be over the phone? In person? Here at charlies, or meet them for coffee? In the end I decided that I would call Rose and ask her to have everyone, besides Edward, over at her place. This could get quite roudy, no need to have poor Charlie come home to that.

When I was walking over to the phone to call Rosalie my stomach suddly got a hundred knots in it, and all the 'what ifs' started again. I forced myself to stick to the plan and remember how good I had felt when I had woke up this morning, like Edward and I could make it.

"Hello?" Rose answered on the third ring; her hello also sounded like a question knowing that Charlie is at work at this time.

"Rose it's Bella."

"Oh, I was wondering what Charlie would be doing calling here at 11:00 o'clock," she said, "Well what are you _doing_ at Charlie's house?"

"Well that's why I'm calling you," I bit my lip thinking of how to continue, "I would like to explain in person, do you think you could get everyone together at you're place?"

"Bella is it Charlie?" She asked, fear evident in her voice.

"No, no. Charlie is just fine," I assured her, "It has to do with Edward and me, its just easier to tell everyone in person."

"Okay, Bella, um…how is 4:00 o'clock? That's when everyone should be free."

"That sounds great, and tell them not to mention this to Edward, he knows all of this anyway."

"Alright… Bella, do you know what you're doing?" I could hear the unease in her voice.

"It will be fine, thanks again."

After we flushed out more of the details, mainly how to keep Alice from dragging Edward anyway and finding out the news the extreamly hard way. We then said our good-byes and I told Rose in complete sincerity how much I truly loved her. I knew the wait was going to be more painful than I could ever say, 'cause I would be stuck in this house with all my problems running through my mind for four and a half hours. Well if nothing else I'd use those hours to steel my resolve.

~/~/~/~/~/~

When I finally looked at the clock and noticed it was 3:30 I realized that I should get ready. I had no idea what I would wear exactly, I didn't want to wear my sweats 'cause I wasn't looking for sympathy.

After another quick shower, I put on a decent pair of jeans, and a green cami with a white button up over it. I looked in the mirror and just left my hair down, deciding I looked as good as I could get. I grabbed my purse and headed out to my truck. After I had gotten inside the truck I looked fondly at the dash remembering the many conversations when Edward wanted me to get a new car; but the best memory of all is when he admitted that it was good we had it one night.

_We were parked not far outside the meadow, laying cuddled up in the blankets on in the bed of the truck. Neither of us bothered to put our clothes back on, we just prefered to lie here and gaze at the beautiful stars. It was a rare night in Forks, warm with a clear sky, I knew I would never be able to bring myself to regret any of this night, ever._

"_I'm sorry it happened this way, I always pictured us in a more romantic setting," Edward's voice was nothing more than a velvet whisper._

"_Hmm, I think it was perfect. It was spontanious, and love induced, with a beautiful setting. Our meadow, it was just us," I left out the truck bed._

"_You think so?" He asked, "I hope you didn't hurt too much…"_

_I smiled fondly at him, "Edward, it was my first time, no one could help that. You were as gentle as you could be," he was just too sweet, I wondered once again, how I, Isabella Swan could get this lucky._

_His brooding face softened, "Alright, I'll conceed," he laughed, "This is the only time I'll say that you're truck is worth having," he leaned in and kissed me._

"_Mmmm," was all I could say before he slipped his tongue into my awaiting mouth, this kiss was sweet, not lust fueled in the least, I could feel all his love for me in this single moment. All I wanted to do was bottle this moment so I could have this feeling forever._

_When he pulled away, he looked at me and all I saw was love in his viberent green eyes "I love you, Isabella Swan."_

"_As I love you, Edward Cullen."_

When I finally pulled up at Rosalie and Emmetts' house I had that same feeling from when I came here for my talk with Rose. Dread. Pure dread. I had to give myself that same age old pep-talk; you know the whole _you can do this!_ crap. I guess what made this worse this time, was I was admitting to Alice, Jasper, and Emmett that my marriage wasn't okay, then telling them and Rose the action I had taken upon myself. I could only keep my fingers crossed that Alice didn't try to pout her way into denial, that Emmett didn't try to murder Edward for hurting his baby sis. Oh, and that Rose didn't murder _me_ for moving in with Charlie. I took in a gust of air, and blew it out _hard_. Time to face my reality.

Alice opened the door before I had even gotten on to the porch. She ran over to me so fast she was almost a blur, while screaming, "Belllla," all the way. I was so shocked that I stayed frozen for a few minutes, then came to life and hugged her back. "Bella, I missed you! Why _haven't_ you called me recently?" I looked down to see her glaring at me, I cringed; she may be 4'0 tall but she was _really, really_ scary.

I sighed, "I'm sorry, Alice. I'm going to tell everyone why I've been distant today," I gave a smile that I'm sure looked more like a grimace.

She looked at me suspiciously, "Ooookay. It had better be good!"

"I'm sure it will be," I muttered to low for her to hear. "We'll see," I said aloud.

When I got into the house I didn't even notice that Emmett had been standing by the door, untill he gave me a bone crushing hug, "You need to visit me more little sis," he said in a mock stern voice, "No where is that husband of yours?" I tried to hide my wince, I really did, thankfully he just thought is was from hugging me too tight.

I gave a tight smile, "Sorry, I will be in touch more. As for my husband that's what I'm here to talk about," when I saw all the worried faces, I added quicky. "Its nothing to worry over." I had to keep everyone besides Rose passified.

"What is it?" Jasper asked, always the one to dive in. I looked away, not wanting to send him an angry glare, it wasn't his fault. It was mine.

With some coaxing from Rosalie, I had told them what happened. Even if it was severly hard I even told them about Tanya, and Edwards odd obsession about Jacob and I being a couple. I told them the most embaressing of things, even how our sex life – or lack there of – had only gotten worse, till we just stopped. Our different lives, as two housemates who you'd think didn't even know eachother. When I had finished, neither had the same look on their face. Rose looked proud as hell that I'd finally talked; Emmett seemed like he'd rather be off getting in a fight with someone (preferably Edward); Alice just looked like she couldn't decide if she was shocked or sad; and last was Jasper who looked pensive, looking for a deeper meaning.

I sighed, time to tell the rest, "Well we do want to work on it; were trying," I gave them a moment to let that sink in. "See I decided if we kept on top of eachother we wouldn't solve a damn thing. So I'm staying with Charlie, while we work on things, so we've seperated…" I just let that sentence trail off.

It was so silent for a minute that I finally gave in and had to look up. When I did, all of their faces were wearing the same mask of shock. Although Rosalie's wasn't as shocked as the rest, I guess having some warning gave her a better idea.

The quiet was finally broken by Alice's scream; it sounded like she was waking up from a terrifying nightmare. I wanted to say _yea_ _tell me about it_.

"No, no, no," she repeated, shaking her head. "You, Bella, are going to get you're ass to Edward right now! Then you are going to tell him it was a mistake! Listen to me, you don't find love like yours and Edwards everyday. Don't loose it!" She finally finished her rant when Jasper pulled her into his arms.

I took a deep breath, "Alice, I can't do that. Edward and I need to work on this our way, we need to fix problems, that shouldn't be fucking problems," I was blinking back tears by this point.

"Alright little sis, but let me warn you, if _he_ breaks you're heart I'll kick his ass," Emmett said, he always knew how to break the tension.

"Yea…" I mumbled.

"Honey I'm glad you got you're head out of you're ass," Rose said.

"_You_ agree with this bullshit?" Alice screeched.

Rose turned a glare at Alice, "Yes, I do." She said.

Little Alice was beyond words, she just stood there, mouth gapeing, "Well then. I refuse to be here then!" She spat. "C'mon Jazz, were _leaving_!" Poor Jasper looked confliced, I sent him a sad smile. We knew he'd choose Alice, and we weren't offended in the least.

After they walked out the door, Emmett, Rose, and I just stood their looking at eachother untill Emmett broke the silence, "Well damn…"

~/~/~/~/~/~

When I got back to Charlie's house, I decided I needed to reflect on everything. Yes, I knew Alice would feel betrayed that's why I didn't go to her in the first place. I wasn't angry at her at all, she was working through her shock, she'd come knocking on the door sometime in the week, looking glum saying 'sorry'. So one less thing to worry about.

Emmett felt about the same as Rose, only more so protective of me. That's why I didn't want him to be alone with me when he found out, he'd see me as that little girl who needed her big brother to make it better, when all he could really offer at the moment was a bear hug at most. Although he said he'd ment what he said about kicking Edward's ass, I think he's just pissed about Tanya. Who isn't?

After all of today's drama, I figured I'd tell Charlie tomorrow. Who needs to replay todays events again? Not me. I knew I should just get it out in the open all in one day, but I was emotionally drained, who could blame me.

One thing that kept nagging at me, was the the fact that Edward and I weren't working toward a damn thing. But Rose had said, we'd need a few days to sort our thoughts seperatly then we sould meet and talk again on neautral ground. God, to think it had come to this, _neautral ground_!

Finally I had come up with the conclusion that Rosalie was right. I did need more time to sort through my thoughts. We couldn't walk in there with our anger blazing, it would only start another fight. Like we needed any more of those. Also I was just going to face it and tell Charlie tonight, _like a band-aid_ I thought. Rip it off faster the better.

I heard the crusier pull up while I was cooking dinner. My hands started shaking while I was pulling the chicken out of the oven. By the time everything was on the table he was walking in the door.

Charlie sniffed the air, "Boy that sure does smell good, Bells."

"Dad, Edward and I are seperated. That's why I'm here," I just blurted out.


	5. Time is Running Out

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 05**

**Time is Running Out**

"_Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." ~ Winston Churchill_

I clamped my hand over my mouth, just a moment too late to muffel the actual words. Poor Charlie just stared at me like I'd all of a sudden sprouted another head, and he himself doing a very good impression of a gaping fish if I do say so. It took me a moment for what just happened to become suddenly clear, what I had just so wonderfuly blurted out to my unsuspecting father. _Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!_ Was playing on an endless loop in my mind. I also had enough room for one quick, _Think he'll kill Edward?_ I was quite proud of myself for even thinking of his fate in a moment like this, shows progress, a step forward. _I swear if Charlie doesn't say something soon, I'll have a panic attack!_ I thought.

Charlie coughed and shuffled his feet uncomfortably, "Uh, well… do you want to talk about it…?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, "Not tonight Dad. I'm sorry I just said that out of nowhere, but it's been festering at me that you didn't know what was going on," I sighed. "But I just don't think I could handle this again tonight."

"I understand, Bells," he sounded relieved. _I would too._

"Well let's eat."

Dinner was extreamly quiet; I think Charlie didn't want to say the wrong thing and upset me, or hell maybe he wanted to leave me to my own thoughts to sort shit out. I mean he has gone down this road before me. God, if he felt anything I do now I really fucking feel for him. It's so painful and it just makes you feel so… _alone_. Maybe the key to this whole mess was to talk to Edward sooner than later, I mean really he must feel the same way I do, I know he still loves me. Then together we can each turn our loneliness into becoming whole again. _God how I want to feel whole again_.

"Hey Dad?" He grunted a response, "You can go watch some TV, I've got things in the kitchen covered, 'kay?"

Charlie smiled his crinkley eye smile, "I know I've said this before, but you sure are easy to live with Bells."

"And it still means the world to hear you say that, Dad," in that moment he said one of the only things that could have made my day any better. He nodded in response.

Once Charlie left the kitchen I heard the TV turn on and heard some sports announcer. It was oddly comforting, familiar. I relished in this feeling while I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I could only hope that the familiarity would keep me sane and keep me going when things with Edward got much worse, because anyone can tell you it has to get worse before it can get better.

I said goodnight to Charlie, took my shower and got ready for bed. If I was going to be in any shape to go to work and teach students, then hopefully start working things out with Edward I'd need my sleep. I decided to text Edward, _"Want to meet and discuss our situation tomorrow? Meet at the Lodge for coffee around 3:00 p.m.? I really do miss you. Goodnight."_ I felt oddly relieved to have told him that I missed him, maybe that ment I was finally making some progress. Time would only tell, I guessed.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

The first sound that I heard in the morning was that God awful alarm clock. Why I never threw it out the window when I was in high school I'll never know. Personally, I think it was more to help wake Emmett, with two alarms going off at the same time, he couldn't possibly sleep.

When I slap the damn thing to shut it off, my phone catches my eyes – the light is blinking. This can only mean two things: text message or voicemail. Now it could be anybody, but since I _had_ texted Edward before going to sleep last night, I'm going to say that its probably him. Gah, now I'm all nervous and my hands are shaking!

I just ignor it for the moment. Take a nice hot shower to sooth my nerves; and calm myself. I need a clear head when I answer him.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Once I'm sitting down and have my breakfast ready, I think that I'm ready to check my phone. My theory is it would be better to do it on an empty stomach – no need to throw up what I just ate.

Its from Edward. I close my eyes tight and take a deep breath. With my eyes still closed I open the message. Before opening my eyes and looking, I take one last calming breath through my mouth and let it out my nose.

"_I miss you, too, love. That sounds like the best idea you've ever had. Since I'm off today I'll most likely be there early. Can't wait to see you. – Love, Edward"_

That wasn't bad at all. Honestly, that message gave me more hope than anything at all. It was almost like the text messages that he'd send me when we were dating, engaged, and early in our marrage.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Thourgh out all of my classes I was antsy. I kept drumming my fingers on the desk, or biting my nails and/or my pen. I gave my fourth-graders some reading assignment, then told them to do all twenty questions at the end of the chapter. I knew that I was basicly giving them a free period – but I couldn't even focus myself.

It seemed almost as if this day was going too fast; and too slow. Maybe because I was both excited and nervous to see him again. I wanted nothing more than to go over to the Lodge and run into him arms, then, never leave again. Ever. But then, a small part of me wanted to run as far into the opposite direction as I possibly could.

For my last thought my inner-Rose gave me the bitch brow. Then told me the same thing she'd always said when shit got hard, "put on you're big girl panties, sweetie. I don't care if you are studdering through the whole thing, at least you tried bitch."

Her attitude may have been patronizing – yet this occasion actually called for it. Sadly.

When the bell at the end of the day rang through the school, I'm sorry to say that I jumped about ten feet into the air. I may or may not have squeeked.

While getting my shit together, it took longer than usual, as I kept fucking dropping it. My hands were sweaty and shaky. _Please God, don't let me die in an accident_, was my last thought before leaving for the Lodge.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Standing outside of the Lodge, I could see Edward sitting in our favorite booth. I took a deep breath and went inside to face the mess that I had caused.

I walked over to where he was sitting and when I was close enough to see him in better detail I stopped short. Edward's hair was a mess, and I'm not talking about its usual disarray – it looked like he'd never heard of a brush; his eyes were not the same bright green, they were dark with sadness deep within, he also had heavy dark bags under them; he was much thinner than I'd last seen him, though he was always thin, it usually looked healthy; Edward's shoulders were sagged as if carrying the world on his shoulders.

I had to blink back tears – it was too much.

He cleared his throat to get my attention, it sounded raw and unused. When I looked him in the eye, he gestured for me to sit down and spoke. "Bella."


	6. Let the Flames Begin

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 06**

**Let the Flames Begin**

"_Many of us crucify ourselves between two theives – regret for the past and fear of the future." ~ Fulton Orsler_

I kept eye contact as I situated myself, watching as a few tears fell from his dark eyes. It wasn't untill I felt the familiar sting, I noticed, that I too, was crying. "Edward," I croaked.

When I spoke his name aloud, a slight smile showed itself on his beautiful face. And I felt warm all over… this is what I had been waiting for – this was nothing, just Edward and me. I took a drink of the given water, to clear my throat. I felt that if I was the one to invite him here to talk, then I should get the ball rolling.

"How have you been?"

Edward looked down and licked his lips. "Not good, I can't sleep without you…" he trailed off softly. It was with that one sentence that my heart cracked just a little more.

"I know Edward, believe me I know," I mumured. "That's why I want to fix this. The sooner we do it, the sooner we can be back where we belong."

"Please…" he pleaded softly, with hope and love shining in his eyes.

"Can I say something, and you'll let me finish?" He nodded. "We're equal participants in this whole mess. We let one fight dictate how our relationship would work. And that's not healthy, Edward. Then on top of it all, I went and shut you out – that's where it really went to shit. Because from there on out, you didn't know how to act around me and closed yourself off as well." I finished, feeling pretty damn proud of myself.

"I'm so, so sorry, love." Edward said quietly, "I don't even know where to begin. It would seem that you've gotten further than I. All I have been able to do since you've been gone is drink – then look at all of our photo-albums, wondering where it all went wrong." He paused to take a deep breath, "All I can come up with is that I cannot live without you Isabella, my love, my Bella. _Please_ don't leave me."

Edward had been looking down at his lap while talking, and when he finished, he looked me straight in the eye. That's when I noticed that he had tear streaks going down his cheeks, while still leaking more. This caused a domino effect; bringing me to tears also. _How could God be so cruel_, I thought, _this beautiful man deserves so much more than this!_

I took a deep breath, I was going to bring up a subject that usually got him screaming. "Baby, maybe, just maybe we could try therapy again?" I asked. "There is no fucking way that either of us can sort through this shit on our own."

"Anything, Bella," he croaked out. "Anything to have you in my arms again."

We spent about fifteen more minutes talking about some inane details. I think it was just that we didn't know what the fuck to say to each other, but we just didn't want to leave the other's presence. He was already looking a bit healthier – just from this conversation. And I was feeling a bit lighter, myself.

I was starting to feel apprehensive about staying any longer. Not that I didn't want to be here, I just really didn't want to mess with any of the progress we'd made thus far. So I figured that I should take my leave untill we made the decision on when we'd go to counselling.

Smiling wistfully, I said goodbye. "Thank you, for meeting me here," I swallowed. "We'll make it baby, and when we do it'll be better than ever."

"Your welcome," he said with his crooked smile, this time it reached his eyes. "I know love, I can feel it too." Taking a deep breath he continued. "Can I, um, tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I'm so very sorry for getting mad about you talking to Rosalie. I was bitching about it to Jasper, and the thing is I thought that it had gotten so bad that you needed a pep-talk before you could even talk to me… not that you wanted advice on how to fix us." Edward choked back a sob, "Oh God, I am so sorry."

Forgetting anything about leaving, I jumped out of the booth and crawled in on his side, then wraped my left arm around his chest, while the right when behind his shoulders and my hand rested on his head; pushing it down to my chest. I whispered sweet nothings into his ear while playing with his hair. Watching him like this was a pain that I'd never felt before – as I'd never seen Edward break down. Ever. I was starting to feel like he'd been doing this over the time that'd I had been gone from the house – or had it been longer? Had the water in the shower been blocking me from knowing that my husband, my heart and soul was breaking?

It was times like these that I always remember one of my many passing thoughts. _Sometimes being blissfully ignorant – isn't always bliss._

When Edward had calmed down enough, we stood and he put the money and tip on the table. He then faced me and smiled peacefully, then kissed me on my forehead before hugging me. During the hug he breathed in my ear, "I love you, my Bella."

I kissed his cheek – I simply didn't have enough words to describe my feelings at the moment.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

It was at home while making dinner for myself and Charlie, that I felt it. Somehow that little coffee stop with Edward had made me feel almost giddy. I almost felt like a teenager again. Nobody could blame me for feeling confused.

When we were young and dating, we'd stop at the Lodge after school if it was raining, then Edward would bring me home so I could start dinner for Charlie, Emmett and myself. I'd always be so gleeful from the time I spent with him that I'd dance along with the radio while cooking.

I was doing that now.

That's when I was pretty sure that Charlie would have me commited. Yesterday I was blurting out things, then moping. Now? I'm smiling and bouncing around the kitchen like I was seventeen-years-old.

When I heard Charlie's crusier pull up, I had just gotten the table set and the food placed out. I was making one of his favorite meals for putting up with my crazy ass. Fried chicken breast, greenbeans, homemade mashed potatoes and biscuits. I had even given him a beer with tonights dinner. _Maybe he'll just think he's seeing things because he's drunk?_

"That you, Bells?" He called out.

I had to stifle a giggle – he'd never change. "Yeah, just got dinner on the table."

A low whisle signaled that he'd entered the kitchen, "What'd I do to deserve this, Bells?"

"Being the best daddy ever," I giggled. "And, well, putting up with me."

Charlie gave me one of his crinkly eye smiles. "I'm not putting up with you, that's a father's job. Now, maybe if you were Emmett that'd be a different story, hon."

We both laughed, till our eyes watered. It was hard not to when joking about my brother.

"He'd eat you out of house and home, and that's a feat right there concidering he couldn't cook even if his life depended on it!" We shared another laugh.

"Now, baby girl, I don't want to upset you. But yesterday, you uh, said some things…"

I sighed. "Yeah, about that. Well about a year or so ago, Edward and I got into a pretty bad fight. We never cleared the air; because we we're each too stubborn to try and conceed, the point. Then recently the tension got so think that it was stifiling, so I tried to talk it out with him – after being bitched about doing so from Rose – but it turned into another one of our all out brawls." I stopped to take a sip of my Coke. "And then I realized that if I stayed in that house just one more day that I'd end up killing him, so I came here."

Charlie looked pensive, "We'll what'are you going to do now, hon?"

This was why I loved my dad, never one to mince words. No telling me how I should or shouldn't do things untill he's asked what I wanted to do first. Always on my side.

"I meet with Edward today, at the Lodge to talk over coffee. We talked a bit and cleared the air between us a bit. Then we decided that we'd do couples counselling. It's the only real shot we have right now."

"Alright, I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get you're happy ending."

"Thank you, daddy," I stood up and hugged him. "Now you go enjoy some TV while I get these dishes done, mister."

He chuckled, "You baby me too much, Bells." He said while walking back into the living room.

While doing the dishes, I hummed the lullaby that Edward composed for me. And I knew that I was at peace.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Laying down in bed is when I decided to text Edward to find out what day would be best to schedule our appointment for; it didn't matter to me, I'd take a day off work for this. But him it was always difficult to tell and I didn't need for him to suddenly change his mind and find a reason to hate it before it even began.

"_I just wanted to know when it would be best to make the appointment for, day and time doesn't matter for me. So just let me know what works best for you. – Love, Bella"_

Giving him a little bit of time to answer, I decided to go through some of the CDs that I had brought with me. To me it seemed like fate that I had found the burned CD in the jewel case. It was the one that Edward had made me in senior year of high school – it had my lullaby on it.

I had just gotten it in the stereo and hit play, when my phone beeped.

"_First day and time available, love. I don't care what it takes, just as long as you're in my arms again, soon. You mean more to me than anything. – Love, Edward"_

When I read this, I was afraid that my face would crack in half with the strength of my smile. It was what I had always wanted to hear. Deep down I knew this was the truth, but sometimes actions speak louder than words – even if said actions are accidental.

"_Alright. I'm going to call during my lunch break, then I'll text you the information. Goodnight, baby, I love you. – Bella"_

I was nodding off to the music, when I recived his reply.

"_I'll see you soon, my angel. Counting the minutes till then. Goodnight and sweet dreams. Love you, too. – Love, Edward"_

I knew that the road to our recovery would be long and hard, but it was worth fighting for. Because I knew that in the end we'd be better than we ever were. It was possible because we still love each other just as we did the day we said it for the first time.

It almost seemed a lifetime ago that I was worried that we jumped into our marriage too soon. Even if it had only been a week ago. Because that's what fear can do to you, it grips you're chest and takes over all rational thought.


	7. Through the Glass

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 07**

**Through the Glass**

"_Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong." ~ Sarah Dessen_

The day for mine and Edward's first Couples Counseling was tomorrow. To say that I was nervous would be a gross understatement. I was fucking frightened! The person we would be meeting would be helping us get our lives back – helping to get _us_ back.

It had been a week ago that I'd called and made an appointment, both Edward and I would have to take off work for this. And the fact that we both are, I think, in my opinion, says a whole lot about how badly we want to make it work and get back to where we were. I often wondered if Esme and Carlisle were helping him like my father was for me. Charlie was my rock at the moment, whenever I'd start to panic and think it wouldn't work, he'd talk me down from the ledge, so to speak.

Even Rosalie and Emmett were helping in their own way. They're very supportive of this decision – for which I am thankful – but they also keep trying to get me out of the house, and keep my mind on something else. Emmett knows me a little _too_ well. I think he knows that I'd probably just sit in my room listening to the radio shredding paper; after I finished my work of course.

Alice was finally speaking to me again, but that's probably because I was not currently breaking her brother's heart, more like on the way to mending it. So, she was helping Emmett and Rose with Operation Keep Bella Busy – personally, I think she owns the operation, if I'm being honest. And I am. I currently got a whole new wardrobe the other day, I am not kidding you… shopping is Alice's bestfriend.

Jasper is more taking a neutral stance and for that I love him. Because, really, he wouldn't be Jasper if he didn't. Then he can truthfully tell Tornado Alice, that he has nothing nor wants anything to do with the whole damn thing.

Currently I am at my brother's house and kicking his ass at _Mario Kart Wii_. Victor will race Jasper – I will never understand why these idoits just don't add a third player. While we're doing this, Rose is bitching about her pregnancy to Alice. She's pissed that her's isn't going as smoothly; see Alice had one of the easiest pregnancies ever. Never got nauses or tired, she was still a little ball of energy.

"TAKE THAT! Take that little sister!" Emmett screamed. "That's why we don't mess with the boss. Un, huh. Un, huh." He then tossed the steering wheel on the couch and did a victory dance.

"Dear God," I mummered, but couldn't help but laugh. "Is this how you're going to teach your sons to act?"

"Hells yeah! Remember every Sunday with dad?" When my eyes widened, he laughed. "That's exactly how I want it here! Yeah baby!"

I think I had to pick my jaw off of the floor. "May God help you, Rose."

"No, its more like may God help you're brother!" Rose said in a shrill tone, "I am not going through nine months of carrying these two, for them to grow up and act like barbarians!"

Emmett looked at us indignation when we laughed, before yelling, "Hey!"

"When Jazzy and I have a son, he'll be the perfect southern gentleman. Just like his daddy," Alice said. The funny thing about this – I didn't fucking doubt her. At all.

"Just rub it in," Rose grumbled.

Jasper just laughed before remarking to Alice. "I'll do my best, dear."

"I'm thinking that Kristen, is going to grow up a little ball of energy, just like her mother." I teased Alice.

"Well…" she said slowly. "She is showing signs of liking fashion, this is my dream come true! I can't wait untill we can discuss it and go on shopping sprees together!"

Rose snorted. "We do not need an Alice Jr."

"Excuse me! Someone is going to have to keep you're sons fashionable!"

This comment caused Emmett to laugh. "My sons? _My_ sons? No thank you, Alice." He said with a wave of his hand. "But my boys are going to like sports, like their old man – and his before him."

"What if they get mom's crazy genes?" I just had to ask.

"They should be good, I mean it skipped _us_ didn't it?"

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. "Are you freaking kidding me? It skipped me and went straight to _you_!" This was mine and my brother's inside joke. We both knew that Renee was excentric and scatterbrained – we just like to say that it was the other who got her craziness. Though, thank God, neither of us actually _did_.

"Bad move, little sister," he said. I knew what was coming, so I just waited.

When he started tickling me, I punched and kicked everywhere that I could reach. It didn't make much difference – it never did. Everyone laughed while watching our playful sibling mock fight.

We continued on like this for the rest of the night. Laughing at old memories, different jokes and then when Rosalie got out her old photo album from high school. It felt like one of those nights when we were all still dating, hanging out by a bon-fire at La Push beach, while drinking. We always had such fun on those nights. It was doubtful that we'd have another anytime soon – Rose was pregnant, my marriage sucked, then who knew what'd happen with Alice and Jasper by the time mine and Rose's troubles were over. If it wasn't unfair to Rose, I'd tell everyone that we were leaving for the beach right this minute.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I was completely relaxed by the time I got home. Though I felt bad for not making dinner for Charlie, I knew that he understood. I needed a day away from all this batshittery; to remember what we used to be. I'd be tense enough for five people come tomorrow, at the actual appointment.

Even if I knew that I should be upstairs sleeping – I couldn't. So I flipped through the TV channels till I found a show that I could watch to pass another hour and get me drowsy enough, so that when I did lay down, I'd pass right out.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

When I woke in the morning, it was to that same annoying alarm clock. My first thought was yet again – why _didn't_ I throw it out the window in high school. And I came to the same answer: Emmett.

That's when a chain of events happened in my mind. I remembered spending yesterday with Emmett, then the actual _reason_ for spending the day with my slightly dense older brother – couples counsling. And that, ladies and gentleman, is when I started freaking the fuck out.

Now a few days ago, I had this all planned. Wake up with enough time to plan what I was going to wear – dressy casual – then have a nice hot shower, get dressed and ready then have a small breakfast, then drive to my doom.

But now? Everything was just wrong. None of my clothes seemed good enough. I didn't know if I should wear my hair up or down, then if down, how should it be styled? Curles or straight? I. Don't. Know. So, when in my time of need, I called Alice.

"Hi, Bella!" She chirped.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God, Alice. I don't know what to wear, or, how to style my hair! It's a freaking crisis." I cried.

"Hmmm," she drew the sound out. "Go to your closet; now I want you to look for that grey cardigan that I got you for Christmas. You find it?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay, now go back and get that light blue, v-neck tee. Have it?" I grunted my answer. "Alright, nooow I want you to get out any pair dark denim skinny jeans, then wear your chestnut colored Ugg boots. Annnnnd voila!"

"Sweet baby Jesus, you are a life saver, tinkerbell," I said. "Now, the hair!"

"Lemme see… Yes! Wash it, then let it dry under the curling iron. But, make them big so their all shiny and bouncy… buuuuuut straighten the little whisps of hair, that fall over you're forehead," she stopped to take a breath. "That's all."

I was amazed, I couldn't have done this right now without her. "I love you, so fucking much. Nobody has a better bestfriend than me." I decided that I'd treat her for this. "Guess what? You choose a day, any day, and you can take me shopping to any store – as many stores that you choose. Then you can play Bella Barbie."

Alice squealed so loud that I had to remove the phone from my ear, for fear that it'd make my eardrums bleed. "Ooooh! I wont forget this! We'll talk tomorrow, if we don't after your session – then make plans! Bye Bella, I love you!"

"Love you, too, Alice. Talk to you later."

Time to put Alice's hard work to the test.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I got to our therapist's office with a few minutes to spare. Half of me was thrilled that Edward and I we're starting the journey to getting back together. The other half? Well she wanted to fucking run away, screaming bloody murder. Suffice to say, she had a good plan, great even… she just couldn't get her way.

When I finally walked in, I noticed Edward standing by the office door fidgeting. Well, at least I wasn't alone in feeling awkward and uneasy. I should feel bad for him… but I didn't. I was almost next to him when the door opened.

A woman, who must be Maggie, our therapist came out. She was wearing heels, but even still she'd be concidered tall; she had an lithe body; round friendly face, her eyes were a light brown and she had auburn hair. To put it simple: she was beautiful.

"Edward, Bella?" She asked, in a soft but sweet voice.

Edward pulled on the collar of his shirt and answered, "Uh, that's us…"

She gave us a friendly smile, "Come in and have a seat."

She took a step back to allow us to enter her office. When I got in there I noticed how comfortable it felt; it was done in all natural tones. The walls were painted a seafoam green, while the furnature – a couch and two chairs – were a light brown color. Her desk and book shelves were finished in a rich brown.

Edward and I sat next to each other on the couch, while Maggie sat in the chair across from us. After she got a pen and paper.

"As you know, I'm Maggie O'Conner," she gave us an easy smile. "Today, I just wanted to start easy, get to know each other – because that is the basis of our relationship: trust. Neither of you will open up to me, unless you trust me."

The session lasted for an hour, and in that hour I began to really trust Maggie. I knew that she'd be the one who would help Edward and I fix the mess that we'd caused. I could tell that Edward was starting to trust her also – to me this was a great sign. It meant that he wasn't going to give up on therapy this time. He had his heart in it this time. Thank God.

What she wanted us to do was have two different lunch dates before our next session – one week from today. We had to test ourselves as couples again, in a couple setting. Then she'd be able to see how we'd deal with ourselves. But we weren't allowed to be alone like we were before I moved in with my dad – said it would be counter productive. We'd only be moving backwards… and that's something I wasn't going to do.

To me, it seemed as if everything would be okay, again.


	8. Where is Your Heart

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 08**

**Where is Your Heart**

"_Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." ~ Unknown_

I don't think that I've ever completely realized just how much I'd been weighed down because of everything going on between myself and Edward. These therapy sessions were helping me in more ways than one, same for Edward.

We've been going for the past few months, and going on regular dates – something that had been lacking during the years.

Maggie had told us, that Edward and I had been lacking special moments together. Just lumping it to the fact that we we're married now, and had other things to do. She said that she had seen this in more couples with children than ever now a days. She also thinks that it was good that we got through this stage before we even had kids – so they wouldn't suffer.

It was all coming together; maybe slowly, but it was still happening. We were both happy again, and neither of us held on to the grudge, we've talked about Jake and Tanya with Maggie. Turns out I was just transfering my feelings about never seeing him onto a fake relationship, even though he'd always turned Tanya down. And Edward, he always felt like there was a part of me that he didn't hold – that it was Jacob's. So he just saw what he wanted to see in his jealousy.

But tonight as I got ready for our date, all I could think about was how eager I was to see him again. I didn't know where we were going – just that it was fancy. As he told me to dress nice. So… I decided to put some of the really nice stuff Alice bought me to use.

I was going to wear my new short blue dress, with a sweetheart neckline, it had a black 'belt' under the chest; black ballet flats; black clutch, and black peacoat. With some jewelery that Edward got me for our one year, then just wearing my hair down – as he really loved it that way.

After I put the finishing touches on, I heard the doorbell ring. That's when the butterflies started in my stomach, it felt nice.

I walked slowly down the stairs; don't need to end up in the hospital tonight. And took a deep breath before opening the door. When I saw him, I couldn't breathe. Edward was a sight to behold tonight.

He had on black dress slacks, that looked to be tailored just for him; a black sports jacket with a light blue shirt on underneath; his hair was in its usual dissary – never going to tame that mane. But what really took all the air from my lungs, was his eyes, they were bright with excitement, making them really shine. The green was sparkling.

And in his hand was a boquet of roses. Swear to God, I swooned.

"Good evening, beautiful," he murmured. "These are for you."

"Thank you," I smiled shyly. "Come inside while I put these in a vase."

Edward followed me to the kitchen, where I pulled out one of the only vases left from before I moved out. I filled it with water, then put the roses in and situated them. I inhailed their scent. "They're lovely, Edward," I said. "But why roses, if I may ask?"

"They reminded me of you're blush," when he finished saying that I did blush. He chuckled. "See? Oh, how I've missed that." Edward said sadly. "Well, ready to go?"

I nodded and he took my hand. He didn't let go untill we got to the Volvo and opened the door for me – I couldn't help but smile. It was so much like my Edward, it was all I could do not to laugh too.

The ride to the restraunt was mostly quite, but not uncomfortable. We'd talk here or there about everything and nothing. The only music playing on the radio was some classical, and though I am not a big listener to that type of music I could regonize Debussy. I think the only word to describe how I felt would be: comfortable.

After we ordered and were sipping on some wine, is when he started talking.

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you about something."

I could tell it was serious. "Okay."

"Well, dad is going to open his own practice in Seattle, and I was thinking about joining him," Edward said. "Now it would be a bit busy in the beginning – noting worse than it is at the hospital right now – but I feel that the gain would be so much better."

"How so?" I asked. He had my attention now, it was importiant if it was about life choices; but not only that, he'd said it would only be busy in the _beginning_.

He licked his delicious lips. "In the long run it'd be more relaxed than it is at the hospital. I've realized that I need to be home more than I am," he sighed. "Then we're probably going to have kids eventually – they'll need they're father. That and I'm not willing to not be able to watch my kids grow up."

I needed to think about my answer, to show him that I cared. "Well… I think you need to do whats right for you," I held up my hand, seeing that he was going to argue. "But, if this is what you want to do, I think its great, and I support you one hundred percent." I smiled, "Also if it gets you home with me more, who am I to argue?"

Edward picked up my left hand and kissed it – then held it to his cheek. "I love you so much, beautiful."

"And I love you, handsome."

After that, the waiter brought out our food. We didn't talk much because the food was absolutly delicious – mouth watering even. But we didn't need words to convey what we were feeling. I could see it in his eyes and smile, and I assumed he felt the same about me.

When we pulled up at Charlie's house, Edward got out and opened the door for me. After he helped me out of the car, he put his arm around my shoulder; that's where it stayed on the walk to the door.

Prepairing to say good bye was somewhat tense. Neither of us wanted the night to end, but it did. We'd be going out again in two days – Saturday.

"I had a very nice time, Edward," I whispered. I don't exactly know why I did, it just felt like the words were too precious to be spoken aloud.

He pulled my face up with his right hand – putting his fingers under my chin and rubbing my cheek with his thumb, "I did too, love." Edward then, leaned in and put a feather light kiss upon my other cheek. "Sweet dreams, beautiful. I'll seen you soon."

"Goodnight, Edward."

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Quite frankly, I was amazed at how fast time had flown. It was already Saturday. Yet again I didn't know anything about our date, only that I should dress warm and it was outside.

So I didn't work quite as hard on getting ready. I didn't need the dazzle factor. I wore a green and white long sleeve shirt; light blue skinny jeans; and grey Ugg boots. I was wearing my hair up in a pony tail. My only makeup was some light eyeshadow and liner, then a bit of strawberry lip gloss – to make them shine.

When I was ready, I noticed that I had some time to kill. Well I hadn't checked my Facebook in a while. Not that I ever really did, see it was Alice and Emmett who caught on with the whole 'social networking' fad; then of course they made the rest of us join. Though in the end it was a pretty good idea, with Alice having a daughter and Rose expecting the twins – instant photo share!

I was in the middle of looking at Alice's newest album titled "Kristen's October Fashions" when the I heard the doorbell ring. Too excited to even log out, I just shut the laptop.

Opening the door, I noticed that Edward, too was casual. Didn't matter, he still looked fucking sexy to me. He had on a blue and grey plad long sleeve shirt and dark jeans. Looking up at him, I saw that, he too, was checking me out. Wearing my favorite crooked smile.

"Ready, love?" He asked.

I nodded and he walked and helped me into the Volvo, like last time.

Tonight I refused to be quiet, I was going to find out where we were going. "So… what's on the agenda tonight?"

"I can't tell you! It's a surprise, Bella," he said, while laughing.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Please? Pretty please, tell me."

"Beautiful, any other time I wouldn't be able to ignor you're pleading. But I am not going to ruin the surprise."

"If you tell me now, I'll act surprised when we get there!"

"No," he said while shaking his head.

I turned up the radio and pouted. I always did this whenever he was going to take me somewhere and wouldn't tell me. After asking, begging, and barganing, when he still wouldn't tell I'd ignor him for the rest of the car ride. I wasn't really annoyed with or mad at him, and he knew it. Maybe that's why this method never worked? I shook my head while internally laughing at myself.

It didn't take long to get where we were going, I could see the place across the street from the empty lot we parked in. I waited till he got me out of the car to tease him about it.

"A carnival, Edward?" I said, as he put his arm around my waist.

He snorted. "Don't you remember the last time we came?"

"It was our first date, we we're seventeen…" I trailed off remembering.

"Yes, and that didn't go according to my plans."

I looked at him in disbelief, "How so? I had fun, obviously. It was a good night!"

"I had planned to romance you – as much as one can do at a carnival. Treat you like the princess you deserved to be, while knowing that it was me making you laugh you're enchanting laugh," he said wistfully. "But it didn't go much like that, not with Emmett around, anyway."

"Nothing really does with him around," I agreed. "Then again, if he hadn't "accidently" moved his sprayer and hit you to make it look like you'd pissed yourself, I would have never seen you blush so red!" I couldn't hold in my laugh. "Personally, I thought it was cute."

"Glad _you_ thought so. I, on the other hand, was mortified," he muttered.

The conversation stopped off when we stood in line to pay. I just mostly looked around taking in the sights and smells. I'm pretty sure Edward knew that I wasn't leaving this place without eating some funnel cake.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Edward pulling me along with him up to the stand. He paid for the unlimited stamp – it was worth every penny. Tickets are bullshit.

He let me take the lead once inside, as all our friends knew to do, when coming to a carnival with myself or Emmett. We had a special method to the madness also known as a carnival. Certin rides must be rode first, and others there was time to do that later. Then once you're dizzy enough, you stop and get something to drink and play the games. Because everyone knows that after games, its usually pointless to go back on the rides – you have too many prizes on your person. After the games you get the real prize that comes from coming to a carnival… the funnel cake!

When we finished on all the rides that Edward and I deemed worthy enough, we went back to the shooting game. That's where I saw the teddy bear that I wanted. It was a brown medium sized bear, with a blue ribbon around its neck.

"Are you sure, that you're man enough to win this game, baby?" I teased.

Edward cocked a brow. "I'm all man," he said; looking me up and down slowly. "And you'd know that, sweetheart."

"Oh, I know," I said wiggling my eyebrows and smacking him on the ass. "Now go and put some of that testosterone to good use. I want my damn teddy!"

We both smiled and laughed, it was the most fun we'd had together in ages.

In the end, my man won me the teddy bear – though we aren't going to talk about how many tried it took to _actually_ get the goddamn thing.

When he was handing me the bear, we kept eye contact. All I could see in his eyes were love, and desire. The look on his face said that I was the most precious thing in his word, it didn't take long to come up with the decision about his reward.

"Edward, I think you should kiss me…" The moment the words were out of my mouth, his head dipped down and he brushed his lips against mine. It was a sweet and tender kiss. And I loved the feel of his soft pouty lips upon my own. His tongue lightly danced across my bottom lip – asking for entrance, that I granted immediately. Our tongues didn't fight for dominance, I didn't want to waste a moment of this wonderful welcome home kiss.

Eventually though, he pulled away for air, even if I'd gladly suffocate just to keep kissing him. _Pfft… who needs air? Air doesn't taste like Edward!_

He looked so sexy, with his chest heaving, trying to catch his breath. It was then that I made my decision.

"I want to go home, Edward."

"Okay…" he said softly. I looked up and was confused at the crestfallen look on his face. Then I realized what I had said and that I needed to clarify for him.

I shook my head with a small smile. "No, Edward, I want to come _home_."

His face brightened up quickly, he even gave me my favorite crooked smile. "Anything for you, love."

The ride home in the car was silent, all except for when I called Charlie and left a message to let him know that I wouldn't be coming back tonight. It was time, I was going to come home. Home to my Edward.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Once inside we sat cuddled on the sofa, watching a movie. Though it seemed that Edward was in the mood to keep acting like a teenager, spending more time kissing my neck and shoulders, and playing with my hair then watching the actual movie. Not that I was complaining or anything – hell I was rubbing his thighs and chest.

About half way through the movie, Edward had me pinned underneath him on the couch, with my legs wrapped around his waist. Occasionally making out with me, or placeing teasing kisses along my jaw, neck and shoulders. It was driving me crazy, I kept moving my hips along his, trying to get friction from the bulge in his pants.

"Should we go to the bedroom?" He asked, in a low gritty voice, that sent tingles down my spine.

"Please…" My own voice sounded breathless.

He picked me up bridal style and carried me up the stairs, and into our bedroom. Once in there he placed me on the bed, then got on himself and stalked over to me like he was a predator and I his prey.


	9. Tremble for My Beloved

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 09**

**Tremble for My Beloved**

"_I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~ Daphne Rae_

When Edward was on top of me, again, he was running his left hand up and down my side. While using his right, to cup my face and tilt it up so that he could crush him mouth to mine. The kiss was hungry and full of want; and I kissed him back with the same vigor. When he pulled away to get some air, that's when I noticed Edward's green eyes were dark, hooded with lust.

He leaned back down and placed hot open mouth kisses along my neck, while grounding his hips into mine. Causing such delicious friction, when his rock hard cock would rub against my throbbing clit, that I couldn't help the mewl that came out.

Edward lactched his lips back onto mine, in an urgent and messy kiss. His hand was slowly ghosting over my ribs under my shirt, and I knew its destination. He reached my breasts and started to palm them, and pinch my nipple. I groaned, the sound being swallowed into our kiss. The sensations were becoming too much, the kissses, the pinching, the grinding. I had to pull back, ending the kiss, my lungs were actually burning – I was gulping down air, chest heaving.

"We've got one too many clothes," he rasped out. And I couldn't agree any more.

I nodded, and sat up to start taking his clothes off. I started with his shirt, I wanted to see his oh so, lickable chest, right _now_. Once I got that off, I started with his belt – taking a mental note to let him know how much I fucking hated them.

_What? They made it take more time to get to his glorious cock._

When the fucking contraption called a belt was undone, with his help, I pulled off his jeans and boxers in one swift movement. Edward's wonderfully large dick sprung upward, begging me to lick it and do other naughty things to it – but it wasn't time for that just yet. So I held up a finger, telling him to wait, and got up off the bed so that I could undress myself slowly infront of him.

First I took off my shirt, next came my jeans, leaving me in only my purple push-up bra with black frill and matching boy shorts.

Getting back onto the bed, I hovered over Edward. Kissing, nibbling, and sucking on his salty skin. When I hit a particularly sensitive spot, he'd let out a sexy hiss and I'd bit down a little harder, then lick the spot in appology. Finally reaching his nipples – I sucked on them for a bit then I'd lightly bite them before letting go. And returned to what I had been doing untill I reached his cock that was jutting out proudly. I wrapped my right hand around the base of his thick member, while leaning my head down till it was about an inch from it.

I looked up at Edward through lashes and smiled coyly, "I can't wait to taste him again."

He leaned up a bit, resting his weight on his elbows – his dark eyes watching my tongue flick out and wet my lips. Knowing that I held his attention, I licked the head of his cock before taking him in my mouth.

"Uuuggnnn. . . Bella," he moaned out.

I hummed in response, sending vibrations around his dick, which resluted in him moaning again. I would occasionally twist and roll my tongue around the head, so that I could taste some of his salty pre-cum. I kept this up for a few minutes untill he had me stop so that he wouldn't bust during his blow job.

Edward pulled me up, then threaded his fingers in my hair and pulled me down into a all consuming kiss. Our tongues fought for dominance, neither of us willing to submit to the other. I was so lost in the kiss that I didn't even notice that he'd flipped us over – my back onto the bed, untill he pulled away.

Taking off my bra and throwing it across the room, he starting sucking on my left breast while kneeding the other. He was lavishing it with attention; swirling his tongue around the nipple and nibbling on it. Then he switched, and started over again. When he stopped doing that, he placed open mouth kissed along my abdomen untill he reached my hips, there he started kissing and caressing down my thighs and back up again till he reached the apex. When there he nuzzled my clit with his nose and pulled away and bit it over my panties.

"Do you want this, Isabella?" he asked.

I nodding frantically, I answered him. "Please…" it came out no louder than a whisper, but it sounded loud in the quiet room.

Edward smirked, and started slowly taking off my panties before dropping them onto the floor. He slid a finger inside me and groaned. "So fucking wet, Isabella."

"Only for you, Edward," I answered.

He growled. "Say it again," he said; as he slipped another finger inside pumping them quickly.

"I only get wet for you," I panted. "Only for you."

Letting out a low throaty sound, he pressed his face between my legs and started licking and sucking on my clit, drawing out mewls and wines form me. "Ooh, ooh… _yes_.. right there," I screeched. "Please, Edward, please."

He pulled his fingers out, and lapped up and leaking juices. When he was finished with that he got back on top of me, and kissed me greedily while teasing my slit with he head of his dick. He wasn't moving fast enough, I needed him like my lungs needed air – I wanted him more than I had before. The solution to my problem came suprisingly quickly to my lust addled brain; taking my heels and pressing them into his ass so that he'd get the point to move faster.

Once he was snug inside me, he growled ferally. And goddamn it, it was the fucking sexiest sound I'd ever heard. Within a few thrusts we found our rhythm.

"So fucking… _oh God_… good," he said in a harsh voice.

"Uhhgggnn… _yes_… just like… _holy shit_… that!" I could barely speak. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I thought it fly out, and I was out of breath.

Edward placed his head in the crux between my head and shoulder, I could feel his hot breath coming out in pants. "So tight… so _fucking_ wet."

"Faster," I hissed to him.

He got back up and started pounding relentlessly into me. When he started to playing with my clit, I swear to God that my eyes rolled into the back of my head. "Harder, Edward, harder."

Edward gave into my wishes without a second thought – soon he was slamming into my hips at a frenzied pace, making his balls slap my ass. Pretty soon the only sounds filling the room were our moans, groans, and cries of ecstasy.

All too soon I felt that familiar coil in my stomah, "Not…" taking a deep breath. "I'm not… going to last… much l-longer."

"I'm not e-either, beautiful," he forced out. "Come with me, _now_."

His thrusts became out of sync, frantic, slamming into my pelvis with such force that all I could do was thrust my hips back at him with the same fast and hard movement.

It felt like white hot heat had taken over my body, it was shaking and I'm sure that I looked like I was having a seizure – all of a sudden my muscles tensed. And I saw stars. "Edwwaaaaard!" I screamed as I came.

I lay still while Edward kept thrusting into me, untill he reached his climax moments later. Calling out one last, "Bellllllaaaa." When he came, releasing himself into me.

He pulled out with a hiss and collapsed next to me on the bed. I rolled over and snuggled to him, so that my head rested on his shoulder and drapped my arm and leg arcoss him. Edward then put his arm around me pulling me tighter to him, while using his hand to pet my hair.

We were quite for a bit, just enjoying the post-coital bliss.

"That was amazing," he whispered.

I nodded. "Yes it truly was."

"I haven't been so tired, and just _relaxed_, in so long."

"Me either," I murmured, my eyes getting heavy.

When he chuckled, I could feel the vibrations on my cheek. "Then let's get some sleep, angel."

"M'kay."

"Sweet dreams, beautiful," he kissed the top of my head. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Edward," I said quietly before falling asleep.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~

When I woke up, the spot next to me in the bed was empty. I tried to bink away the sleep in my eyes so that I could get up and look for Edward.

Getting out of bed, I looked around the room untill I found my panties and put them on and went over to our closet and found one of Edward's shirts to wear, till I could get home and bring my clothes back.

Listening to the noise while coming down the stairs; I determined that he was in the kitchen, so that's where I went. When I got there I saw him making breakfast in his boxers while listening to one of his favorite composers on some CD. This whole thing was making me hungry – and not for the delicious smelling breakfast that he was cooking. But I'd be a good girl and eat the food that he took his time to cook. That's when I'd get what I was really hungry for, I would make him take me right in the middle of our kitchen. Hmmm… he was making pancakes, we could play with syrup and the whip cream.

"Good morning, handsome," I said, letting my presence be know.

Startled, he spun around. "Shit," he muttered. At my raised brow he elaborated. "I was going to bring you breakfast in bed."

I think that I may have melted into goo. "So sweet," I cooed. "Well then, I'll just take a seat and watch the show."

It only took him a few more minutes to get everything done; he'd had most of it finished before I came down. We each had a cup of coffee, two pancakes, and a bowl of fresh fruit. He was so adorable, trying to butter me up so that I would come home to stay. Funny thing was that I'd already made that decision lastnight – when I told him to take me home I had ment it. I was ready to come home to stay.

"Do you have any plans today?" I asked casually.

Edward looked up, surprised. "No…"

"Hmmm…" I nodded slowly.

"Why?" he was confused.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd come help me get my stuff from Charlie's," I said with an air of indifference. "I think its time that I came home – you know I really miss the scenery." I licked syrup off my bottom lip while looking at him through lashes.

He sat there gaping at me for a moment. "Really?" he sounded so excited, even his eyes looked brighter than they were just moments ago.

Smiling softly, I answered him. "Yes, I meant what I said lastnight, I'm ready to be home," my eyes were beginning to sting from the tears that I wouldn't let fall. "I've miss you too damn much to stay away anymore."

Edward jumped up so fast the the chair he was sitting in fell over. In the blink of an eye, I was being pulled out of my chair and into his arms. He then pulled back a bit so he could look me in the eye, and I noticed a tear sliding down his cheek. "I love you so much, Isabella."

Edward pressed his forehead to mine and smiled. Holding me close he let his lips ghost over mine lightly. Kissing me warmly and sweetly for a while, untill I felt his tongue trailing over my lips asking for entrance that I gladly gave.

"Welcome home, love," he whispered, when he pulled away.

"Welcome home," I echoed.


	10. Right Where I Belong

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 10**

**Right Where I Belong**

"_If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." ~ Orson Welles_

_**Ten Years Later:**_

I never used to believe in fate. Had always thought that it was for people who needed a reason for good things to happen to them, or something happened and it was just too good to find a reason that it had happened to them. But, these days I am a firm believer in that fickle thing named fate. To me, it has played a large role in my life.

After mine and Edward's date to the carnival, ten years ago, also known as the day that I came home, when we made love that night we also created something too precious for words. That was the night we concived our first child, Elizabeth Faith Cullen. The day she was born was the best day of our lives. She was so tiny, even Edward cried when she was born – he just couldn't keep his eyes off her; that was when I knew that she'd be a daddys girl. Elizabeth is the perfect mix of both of us, she has Edward's bronze hair, that falls in pretty little ringlets and my brown eyes.

Our second child was born two years later, Edward Jr. Even as a baby you could tell that he was going to look exactly like his father. It probably didn't hurt that he had the bronze hair and green eyes, to boot. I don't anyone had laughed as hard as we all did the day when he was four years old and asked Edward to teach him how to play daddy's piano. I lovingly call him our Little Mozart. Almost everyone else just calls him E.J. – for Edward Jr, much simpler than calling out Edward, and getting two people looking at you.

Three years after E.J. was born, we got our third baby, another little girl. We named her Grace. I'd never seen Edward as happy as he was the day she was born, and when I'd asked him why – his response was that she'd gotten both my brown hair and eyes. He couldn't wait to see if she'd grow up looking like myself in miniature. Who she's more like is anyones guess, as of right now she is only four.

That next year after I had given birth to Gracie, I had yet another child, Nathan. His was my scarriest birth, he was a breech baby, causing me to have a C-Section. It wasn't the most thrilling experience of my life. When they told me I started crying and demanding the doctor to tell me he'd be okay, and my poor husband, words cannot describe what seeing that look upon his face did to me. In the end though I walked away with my little son. He, like Elizabeth, got either or – he has brown hair and green eyes. And being the baby I have a feeling he's going to be spoilt.

Suffice to say, after four kids, I forced Edward to have a fucking vasectomy.

I love my kids very much – its just birthing them is a bitch.

Rosalie gave birth to the twins, Jesse and Kyle, two months after Edward and I got our shit sorted out – December. They both looked and acted like Emmett. Sometimes I don't know if she wants to hug him, or kill him for this. And as Emmett had say years ago, his sons are not intrested in fashion. At. All. Much like my brother and father, they enjoy sports, immensely.

When their twins were two, that's when they got their daughter, their angel, Lillian. She looked _exactly_ like Rosalie. Honey blonde hair, and ice blue eyes. The funny thing is, as she started getting older, everybody noticed that she was acting more and more like her mother – and that more than anything made Emmett proud. And Rose, happy.

The next year – same year that I had Edward Jr. – Rosalie had another son, Derek. He's yet another little prankster, but a bit more reserved than Emmett, Jesse and Kyle. Derek has his mother's honey blonde hair and mine and Emmett's brown eyes. E.J. and him are quite close even, somehow they make it work, like their fathers before them. To say that Rose and I find this funny would not even be enough, its like watching Edward and Emmett in miniature.

Five years later Emmett and Rose had their last kid, another girl, Violet. She had light brown hair and blue eyes. She was Emmett's little princess, this is yet another reason why I think Rose might kill him. Rose fears that little Violet will love him so much that she'll want to be just like her funny daddy and brothers.

Alice and Jasper had another kid the same year Lillian was born. It was a boy, Jonathan. And if you ever needed proof that you should never doubt what Alice says, I've got it for you. That day at Emmett and Rosalie's house, she said that if she ever had a son, he'd be just like his father, the perfect southern gentleman – well. . . he is. Looks just like him too, where their daughter, Kristen, has Alice's dark hair, he has Jasper's honey blonde. Both have blue eyes. Was their any doubt? No. They both have blue eyes.

Two years after Jonathan, was born, they had their third and final child. A little girl named Amber. She too has the honey blonde hair and blue eyes. Amber isn't much like one parent or the other – she isn't calm enough to be like her father or hyper enough to be like her mother. Personally I think she's her own person. Even so, I wouldn't be surprised if some type of love for fashion is mixed into her DNA.

So here I sit at another, one of the many, Cullens' annual BBQ. One of the many differences between this year and ten years ago, I'm sitting on my husbands lap, while he talks with Jasper. I may not be joining in many of the conversations at the moment, I'm more content to watch everyone else.

Like how poor Rose, is running after the twins, trying yet again to make them stop goofing around before they get hurt. They'll never listen – Emmett didn't. Alice is discussing her upcoming new fall fashion line with Esme and Kristen. Dad, Carlisle and Emmett are watching the game on the TV the set up in the backyard. Elizabeth and Lillian are sunbathing, while talking about God only knows what. E.J., Derek, and Amber are running around the yard playing tag – leaving Grace, Nate, and Violet to be doted on by any and every adult who sees them.

"We've had a pretty damn good life," I murmurmed when Jasper walked over to Alice.

Edward looks up at me with a smile. "Yes, yes we have, love."

"It doesn't matter what happens to me, so long as I can be right where I belong, in your arms," I retort; kissing him on the nose.

"I couldn't agree more, love," he gave me a crooked smile, that I so adore, "at the end of the day when I pull you into my arms, kiss you, and smell you, that is when I finally feel complete."

"I love you, handsome."

"I love you, too, beautiful," he said taking my face between his hands, "love you more than you'll ever know."

And we kissed.


End file.
